So there's this animated show called Family Guy, some of the younger readers may have heard of it, for those whom haven't, it's a show similar to The Simpsons in that it's based on an animated family. But it's a little more raunchy and risque with much more liberal writers. That being said, it's actually pretty funny most of the time. With random plots and the main character and father of the household always coming up with crazy bone headed schemes. Did I mention there's a talking baby? There is an episode where Peter, the main character, gets a spot on the local news station doing a segment called "Grinds My Gears." He does rants about what's bothering him. Hands down one of my favorite episodes.
In what will probably a futile effort to entertain you, I'm going to do a segment on what "Grinds My Gears!" (Can also be, what cooks my carrots, what frosts my cookies, what steams my veggies, what rolls my ravioli's ... you get the idea. And feel free to come up with your own phrases as well!)
First thing, have you seen these commercials for this Greek yogurt? Where the guy is yelling through a mega phone at the pretty professional lady. Chips! Chips! Chips! Then the whole point of the commercial is to satisfy those cravings and eat the yogurt. I ask you, in what dimension or the next does yogurt satisfy a craving for chips?! It doesn't. Ever. Mr. Marketer guy, when I want chips, I want something salty and crunchy. Yogurt is smooth, creamy and sweet you nerd! That's like saying "Ah I'm dying of thirst I need some water!" "Oh you need water?! Here's a bag of sand! ENJOY!" Yogurt has it's place, but it does not make me not want chips.
The other day I was out on a walk with my kids, yeah the four legged and the two legged. And it was like 65 maybe warmer. There was a family, mom - dad - kid, bundled like they were headed for Antarctica. Parka's, hats, headbands, gloves, hoods, the works. Meanwhile I'm over here goin, I got a t-shirt and capri's on and I'm sweating. I don't know bout you but if I were that 10 year old kid, the second I walked outside and knew my mom was nuts I woulda ditched the headband and at LEAST unzipped the fur lined parka. I know it's November, but hey if it's not cold out it's not cold. No need to be embarrassed once you're out there! We all make mistakes! It happens, sometimes you throw on that extra layer and maybe we don't need it today. The responsible thing to do is to accept you were wrong about the weather and move on. Don't own it, it only makes me hot looking at you. PLEASE STOP WEARING PARKA'S WHEN IT'S 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE. You don't need it, unless you're 90. Then as far as I'm concerned you live that long you can do whatever the heck you want! It's 97 and sunny, you own that parka grandma!
The reverse. If there is in fact snow on the ground, it's time to put the flippy floppies away. I know shoes stink, I completely agree, but wait to take them off until you're appropriately in doors. I mean. What did your toes ever do to you? Really. They're all just sittin there goin "hey, we're here, ya know, just doin our thing, helpin you walk n whatnot. Then we're all thrown out into the snow turnin blue, and you don't care. We're just toes to you, let em fall off you say! I'll have you know we look AMAZING in the summer!" You'd look weird wearin those flip flops with no toes dude! Cover them up. They're cold. It's time.
The Patriots.
What's with all these animal cruelty commercials??! Does anyone really not change the channel on those things? I would think that would send a message to the station saying "Hmm ... yeah I see when these commercials air there is a dramatic down turn in viewer ship." "Well how big of a down turn Bob?" "Well all the way, yeah, zero people are watching our station during the commercial air time. Huh." Put it together. No one wants to see that. It's sad and it almost made me throw up once, and they use music that always makes me look up to see that poor 3 legged dog gimpin around when he CLEARLY has no family! No family! I mean it's like, c'mon man! You can't not cry when you see that! Poor thing. I adamantly refuse to give them money until they stop showing abused animals. I get the shock and awe, but I'm just stuck on aww, followed by tears, followed by throw up. I'm not writin you a check for making my lunch reappear. If anything YOU owe ME! That burger wasn't free dude!
Delivery people. Yeah you fella. Comin all over to my house and whatnot. Okay so my husband is an engineer and doesn't know how to appropriately interact with people in public so he orders all of his stuff from the safety of behind his computer. That's no reason to tick me off! I know they're watchin me plan my day, and when my kid goes down for her seriously needed nap in the afternoon ... that's when they strike! And it's never a freakin stealth attack. No. NO! They KNOCK. Those ding dongs knock. Why? Because they want to see if I'm home! Who cares?! Dump the thing in a bag and put it by my door. I'm PRETTY certain I'll eventually see a 40 pound box sittin there. I would even be in favor of just dumpin it by the mailbox! Yeah slow down slightly, chuck and go. My dog hates you. He hates your guts and when you knock, it makes him go bat crap crazy because he knows it's his arch nemesis. So next time you think about knockin on some schmoe's door ... Think. Maybe I should do this the silent way as to not disturb the angry beast on the other side of this door. Just sayin. You don't go throwin firecrackers down the dragons lair!
The Steelers. STOP IT.
Feel free to post about your own peeves, pet or otherwise. (For the really smart one's you'll get that. For the rest of you, just smile and pretend!) We've all got em. Sometimes it feels good to air em! Otherwise they get moldy and you gotta wash em and it's a whole deal.
Stupid is a disease people! I hope you never catch it!!!
In what will probably a futile effort to entertain you, I'm going to do a segment on what "Grinds My Gears!" (Can also be, what cooks my carrots, what frosts my cookies, what steams my veggies, what rolls my ravioli's ... you get the idea. And feel free to come up with your own phrases as well!)
First thing, have you seen these commercials for this Greek yogurt? Where the guy is yelling through a mega phone at the pretty professional lady. Chips! Chips! Chips! Then the whole point of the commercial is to satisfy those cravings and eat the yogurt. I ask you, in what dimension or the next does yogurt satisfy a craving for chips?! It doesn't. Ever. Mr. Marketer guy, when I want chips, I want something salty and crunchy. Yogurt is smooth, creamy and sweet you nerd! That's like saying "Ah I'm dying of thirst I need some water!" "Oh you need water?! Here's a bag of sand! ENJOY!" Yogurt has it's place, but it does not make me not want chips.
The other day I was out on a walk with my kids, yeah the four legged and the two legged. And it was like 65 maybe warmer. There was a family, mom - dad - kid, bundled like they were headed for Antarctica. Parka's, hats, headbands, gloves, hoods, the works. Meanwhile I'm over here goin, I got a t-shirt and capri's on and I'm sweating. I don't know bout you but if I were that 10 year old kid, the second I walked outside and knew my mom was nuts I woulda ditched the headband and at LEAST unzipped the fur lined parka. I know it's November, but hey if it's not cold out it's not cold. No need to be embarrassed once you're out there! We all make mistakes! It happens, sometimes you throw on that extra layer and maybe we don't need it today. The responsible thing to do is to accept you were wrong about the weather and move on. Don't own it, it only makes me hot looking at you. PLEASE STOP WEARING PARKA'S WHEN IT'S 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE. You don't need it, unless you're 90. Then as far as I'm concerned you live that long you can do whatever the heck you want! It's 97 and sunny, you own that parka grandma!
The reverse. If there is in fact snow on the ground, it's time to put the flippy floppies away. I know shoes stink, I completely agree, but wait to take them off until you're appropriately in doors. I mean. What did your toes ever do to you? Really. They're all just sittin there goin "hey, we're here, ya know, just doin our thing, helpin you walk n whatnot. Then we're all thrown out into the snow turnin blue, and you don't care. We're just toes to you, let em fall off you say! I'll have you know we look AMAZING in the summer!" You'd look weird wearin those flip flops with no toes dude! Cover them up. They're cold. It's time.
The Patriots.
What's with all these animal cruelty commercials??! Does anyone really not change the channel on those things? I would think that would send a message to the station saying "Hmm ... yeah I see when these commercials air there is a dramatic down turn in viewer ship." "Well how big of a down turn Bob?" "Well all the way, yeah, zero people are watching our station during the commercial air time. Huh." Put it together. No one wants to see that. It's sad and it almost made me throw up once, and they use music that always makes me look up to see that poor 3 legged dog gimpin around when he CLEARLY has no family! No family! I mean it's like, c'mon man! You can't not cry when you see that! Poor thing. I adamantly refuse to give them money until they stop showing abused animals. I get the shock and awe, but I'm just stuck on aww, followed by tears, followed by throw up. I'm not writin you a check for making my lunch reappear. If anything YOU owe ME! That burger wasn't free dude!
Delivery people. Yeah you fella. Comin all over to my house and whatnot. Okay so my husband is an engineer and doesn't know how to appropriately interact with people in public so he orders all of his stuff from the safety of behind his computer. That's no reason to tick me off! I know they're watchin me plan my day, and when my kid goes down for her seriously needed nap in the afternoon ... that's when they strike! And it's never a freakin stealth attack. No. NO! They KNOCK. Those ding dongs knock. Why? Because they want to see if I'm home! Who cares?! Dump the thing in a bag and put it by my door. I'm PRETTY certain I'll eventually see a 40 pound box sittin there. I would even be in favor of just dumpin it by the mailbox! Yeah slow down slightly, chuck and go. My dog hates you. He hates your guts and when you knock, it makes him go bat crap crazy because he knows it's his arch nemesis. So next time you think about knockin on some schmoe's door ... Think. Maybe I should do this the silent way as to not disturb the angry beast on the other side of this door. Just sayin. You don't go throwin firecrackers down the dragons lair!
The Steelers. STOP IT.
Feel free to post about your own peeves, pet or otherwise. (For the really smart one's you'll get that. For the rest of you, just smile and pretend!) We've all got em. Sometimes it feels good to air em! Otherwise they get moldy and you gotta wash em and it's a whole deal.
Stupid is a disease people! I hope you never catch it!!!
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