You know how people always say being a parent changes everything?? Well I can honestly say that statement is true ... but not necessarily in the way(s) you'd think. Having a kid has changed my sleep, they way I do dishes and the laundry, what I watch on TV, the words that come out of my mouth, when and if I get to take a shower and my level of availability. (Or I should say unavailability) If you ask me these are all relatively minor life changes. Simple things completely worth it to share my life and time with the splendid little miracle God saw fit to bless the bejeebers outta my life with.
The things I DIDN'T expect to change were how people look at me. Now I'm not necessarily a "Young Mommy" - like on the show 16 and Pregnant. I'm 28, so it shouldn't be a big deal. And yet ... here come the looks. Angry awkward looks in public. Not because I'm young no, but because I have a kid.
True story, my husband plays in a sand volleyball league at a low key, laid back, family bar nearby where we live. It's a fun time and we've been going to this bar for over 3 years and there have ALWAYS been babies and children of all ages there. So to think it would be any kind of big deal to take our 2 year old, never crossed our minds. Now my husband's team plays at all different times, so we can't always go together, but the last time we were there Emma was playing fine and dandy in the corn hole area. It was fine because she was content pushing her umbrella stroller back and forth down the alley not bothering anyone. Then out of nowhere a foursome of young adults - about my same age, walk onto the court with out so much as a how-do-ya-do put their beers and buckets down and expected me and my kiddo to vamanos. Okay, I totally understand that that area is for playing corn hole not toddlers. I'm not stupid, but you don't have to be rude about it either. A simple, hey sorry would it be okay if we played? Really too much to ask is it? Well needless to say, my kid has a problem with authority ... my authority when I tell her she can't do something or go somewhere. So when I had to usher her out of the spot she'd been playing in for the last half hour, it was confusing and ticked her little mind off to no end. The only sympathy I got was from 1 of the guys who hated to see a little girl in tears and offered to stop playing so she could continue her toddler romping. I appreciate that, but in the ensuing tantrum from hates I got the most vulgar looks of "What is that and get it away from me." Now in my defense, I was trying to get her to the parking lot and away from patrons as quickly as possible - and let me tell you a thrashing 25 pounder isn't as easy to wrangle as most people think. But the looks of pure unadulterated hate for me having a crying kid were just insane.
Since when has the public turned on children?? I know hearing a crying kid isn't fun when you're trying to have a good time, but is that any reason to throw death stares at the parent? We were outside, in a loud bar environment. Not like we were in the library of Congress or anything. So she cried for 10 minutes ... boo hoo to you. She's 2. She doesn't know what she's doing pisses you off. She only knows that she's mad and she's going to express it the way she knows how.
As I'm growing as a parent, I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that people have to be so rude towards parents with children. Like having a kid is a death sentence? Children in public are like the plague ... everyone stands back in disgust and wishes it would go away. I personally think it's sad. Such a negativity towards children springing up amongst young people. I LOVED kids when I was younger and still do. I am failing to see the problem for others. Do I say anything when you're blowing your death smoke in my kids face? No. So why do you hate on me because I'm trying to have fun with my kid in public. She's no perfect pumpkin, but then who are we kidding neither are you.
One possibility is the growing generations of lax discipline from parents. Children being spanked less and coddled more. For screaming and acting up in a store they get candy ... only reinforcing that if the kid acts that way, they'll get what they want. "I've seen it a hundred times." So when those children go out in public they give a bad name to all children?
I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, or that I have all the answers ... no. No one does. Parenting is an imperfect, mistake riddled, unscientific science. We try, we fail, we do the best we can with what we got. So I'm sorry that my TWO year old had a tantrum in public. It's what two year olds do. Should I become a shut in until I'm SURE my kid won't cry anymore?? Uh no. News flash I'm 28 and almost cried in public last week. If we followed that logic we'd never leave, subsequently rendering me completely mentally insane.
The fact remains that there is a negative stigma attached to children and it makes me sad. Instead of embracing kids, loving them, and trying to show compassion or empathy for the mom who's well into her 5th fit of the day, it's only compounded with looks of disgust and appalling. I already feel bad, you don't need to make it any worse. I know I look like a parent who doesn't have a handle on their kid, but children are unpredictable at times. I can't say with any amount of certainty when she's gonna go all out tears to the wall!
So if you don't have children or don't like children ... I urge you to consider the circumstance and extend a little courtesy. And by that I mean, don't throw your death laser stare my way, it's not helping. Just make a joke about me to your friends and keep it in your circle. I'm embarrassed enough without you looking at me like I'm a leper.
Next you go out, if you are a parent - chin up, they'll grow out of it and you're doing the best you can. If you're a bystander, just look the other way, give a glimpse of mercy and go about your business, they'll grow out of it - hopefully you will too.
Cheers to kids!
The things I DIDN'T expect to change were how people look at me. Now I'm not necessarily a "Young Mommy" - like on the show 16 and Pregnant. I'm 28, so it shouldn't be a big deal. And yet ... here come the looks. Angry awkward looks in public. Not because I'm young no, but because I have a kid.
True story, my husband plays in a sand volleyball league at a low key, laid back, family bar nearby where we live. It's a fun time and we've been going to this bar for over 3 years and there have ALWAYS been babies and children of all ages there. So to think it would be any kind of big deal to take our 2 year old, never crossed our minds. Now my husband's team plays at all different times, so we can't always go together, but the last time we were there Emma was playing fine and dandy in the corn hole area. It was fine because she was content pushing her umbrella stroller back and forth down the alley not bothering anyone. Then out of nowhere a foursome of young adults - about my same age, walk onto the court with out so much as a how-do-ya-do put their beers and buckets down and expected me and my kiddo to vamanos. Okay, I totally understand that that area is for playing corn hole not toddlers. I'm not stupid, but you don't have to be rude about it either. A simple, hey sorry would it be okay if we played? Really too much to ask is it? Well needless to say, my kid has a problem with authority ... my authority when I tell her she can't do something or go somewhere. So when I had to usher her out of the spot she'd been playing in for the last half hour, it was confusing and ticked her little mind off to no end. The only sympathy I got was from 1 of the guys who hated to see a little girl in tears and offered to stop playing so she could continue her toddler romping. I appreciate that, but in the ensuing tantrum from hates I got the most vulgar looks of "What is that and get it away from me." Now in my defense, I was trying to get her to the parking lot and away from patrons as quickly as possible - and let me tell you a thrashing 25 pounder isn't as easy to wrangle as most people think. But the looks of pure unadulterated hate for me having a crying kid were just insane.
Since when has the public turned on children?? I know hearing a crying kid isn't fun when you're trying to have a good time, but is that any reason to throw death stares at the parent? We were outside, in a loud bar environment. Not like we were in the library of Congress or anything. So she cried for 10 minutes ... boo hoo to you. She's 2. She doesn't know what she's doing pisses you off. She only knows that she's mad and she's going to express it the way she knows how.
As I'm growing as a parent, I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that people have to be so rude towards parents with children. Like having a kid is a death sentence? Children in public are like the plague ... everyone stands back in disgust and wishes it would go away. I personally think it's sad. Such a negativity towards children springing up amongst young people. I LOVED kids when I was younger and still do. I am failing to see the problem for others. Do I say anything when you're blowing your death smoke in my kids face? No. So why do you hate on me because I'm trying to have fun with my kid in public. She's no perfect pumpkin, but then who are we kidding neither are you.
One possibility is the growing generations of lax discipline from parents. Children being spanked less and coddled more. For screaming and acting up in a store they get candy ... only reinforcing that if the kid acts that way, they'll get what they want. "I've seen it a hundred times." So when those children go out in public they give a bad name to all children?
I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, or that I have all the answers ... no. No one does. Parenting is an imperfect, mistake riddled, unscientific science. We try, we fail, we do the best we can with what we got. So I'm sorry that my TWO year old had a tantrum in public. It's what two year olds do. Should I become a shut in until I'm SURE my kid won't cry anymore?? Uh no. News flash I'm 28 and almost cried in public last week. If we followed that logic we'd never leave, subsequently rendering me completely mentally insane.
The fact remains that there is a negative stigma attached to children and it makes me sad. Instead of embracing kids, loving them, and trying to show compassion or empathy for the mom who's well into her 5th fit of the day, it's only compounded with looks of disgust and appalling. I already feel bad, you don't need to make it any worse. I know I look like a parent who doesn't have a handle on their kid, but children are unpredictable at times. I can't say with any amount of certainty when she's gonna go all out tears to the wall!
So if you don't have children or don't like children ... I urge you to consider the circumstance and extend a little courtesy. And by that I mean, don't throw your death laser stare my way, it's not helping. Just make a joke about me to your friends and keep it in your circle. I'm embarrassed enough without you looking at me like I'm a leper.
Next you go out, if you are a parent - chin up, they'll grow out of it and you're doing the best you can. If you're a bystander, just look the other way, give a glimpse of mercy and go about your business, they'll grow out of it - hopefully you will too.
Cheers to kids!
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