I Resolve ...

Yep. It's that time of year again. The fast approaching new year. A fresh start. This is it. This is the year. I'm gonna, lose weight, get organized, find the right one, start a new career ... the list goes on and on and on and on. There are hundreds of things we resolve to do. We commit ourselves to becoming new or better people year after year. So I know what you're thinking, how are you gonna get a blog post about this? Well I'll tell you. It's the fact that very few of these resolutions ever see fulfillment. We have the best intentions of getting in shape, quiting smoking or saving more money. But the fact remains somewhere along our journey, we lose. Does that mean we should give up on trying to better ourselves?? Of course not! It just means that perhaps we've been going about it a little wrong.

For at least the past decade or so, the number 1 New Year's resolution has been to lose weight. Shocker. We all want to look and feel better, that combined with the fact that main stream media wants us to know that 5'8" 92lbs is the ideal for women. We, women, love to think that if we could just lose ____ pounds, then we will be perfect, happy, life will go according to plan. The realism behind that is obvious. Many of us struggle with weight for many reasons, and too often can't find the right method and give up. That doesn't mean we won't ever lose the weight. Or that you should stop trying. The opposite actually. Try harder.

When setting a resolution for yourself, the BEST thing you can do, is not set yourself up for failure. First thing, is really put some thought into your resolution. Don't decide when you're 4 deep at the party that you're going to quit your job and start a blog ... Trust me, it's not that glamorous! Contemplate your decision. How will it effect your life both positively and negatively and come to grips with that. Write it down if you have to. It's better to prepare yourself ahead of time, seriously prepare. Then, when you decide what you want to focus on, make sure it's SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time tested. Now, in reality, most of us won't abide by all of these, and that's okay. For a best practices attitude, I'm going to list them all. Because if you want to achieve what you set before yourself, you need to make sure that you follow at least MOST of them. Make sure what you want to do is specific. So lets again use weight. How much weight? Fifty pounds, 3? Pick a number. But when thinking of that number also make sure it's realistic and attainable. If you're 5'6" and 170 pounds, and you want to lose 70 pounds, pry not a good idea. You'll be under weight and unhealthy. But perhaps 40 pounds is much more attainable and realistic. Also think about your timeline. Do you want to lose that during the course of the whole year? When will you start? Then finally, how are you going to measure your success. Obviously, weight loss will be measured by either a scale and or a measuring tape. But other goals may have different ways to measure - pick one.

The next thing to do to make sure that you are an actual success story this year, is get an accountability buddy. The greatest asset for me when losing weight is having someone do it with me. Having someone right there to say - "HEY! Don't eat that donut! Or I'll kick you in the elbow!" "YO! Let's workout! Or I'll slap you!" I know from personal experience that I am guaranteed to continue the course when someone else is in the trenches with me. Even if your person won't or can't go through with you, they can at least hold you accountable. How many resumes did you send out this week? When was the last time you had a cigarette? Did you lose any weight this week? Make sure you pick someone who cares too. Don't want the one to hold you accountable slackin on the job!!

That all being said, I do wish you the best of luck with your goals this year! Know that I will be with you on the weight loss front. Just bought a membership to a rec center yesterday! To make it official, well nothing's really official until it's facebook official, but you know, I want to lose 30 pounds by the end of the year.

I want to leave you with something I read on facebook today from one of my friends Liz. A very appropriate and well worded approach to resolutions. I got permission to share this but I won't give you her last name for personal privacy reasons.

"Treat yourself with dignity and love, be deliberate and careful in areas of your concern every single moment of your day, immediately move forward past slip-ups and instantly forgive yourself, align resolutions with what you consider priorities in life, do not neglect others to achieve your goals, think of somebody you love and smile before you go to bed, pray humbly."

In all you do, do it 100%. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Forgive your mistakes. And always strive for forward.

Good luck and may God richly bless you in 2013!! See you on the other side kids!!

The Real Meaning of Christmas Charlie Brown

So many of us know the ultra familiar Peanuts Classic's. My personal favorites are the Thanksgiving and Christmas specials. Mostly because Charles Schulz wasn't afraid to say what he wanted to say. But it's true that in the hubub and commotion of all that goes into the holiday's we tend to lose sight of what it's really all about. So I'm here to give you a little history lesson (my favorite) on Christmas. (Don't worry, I know most people aren't weirdo's like myself and I won't get too technical on you!)

So most people know, or are familiar with the fact that the celebration of Christmas revolves around the celebration of Christ's birth. Back, well back in the day, pagans celebrated seasonal change and thusly celebrated the coming of the winter solstice. Early Christians wanted to combat the pagan ritual and therefore implemented Christmas as a means of celebration for Christ. Although it has long been unrecognized that winter was not the actual season of Christ's birth. Many historians (although this subject is and always will be up for debate) put Christ's birth more around when we celebrate Easter, April or Spring time. Neat little fact, most Americans recognize 3 wise men coming to visit the baby Jesus, but really it would have been a great many and Jesus would have been around 2 by the time they got there. Traveling across great distances and especially across deserts posed serious hazards then. Thieves thrived on caravans, so the more the merrier - ha I crack myself up sometimes. These puns, I tell you. Anyway, so no rational person would have traveled so far with only 2 other fellas. It just wasn't smart. Also, in order to go as far as they did, it would have taken years. So, when we see references of a baby Jesus, he was probably more like Toddler Jesus. But I digress, back to the dates thing. If you dig into the history of Christmas you'll find a lot of information on calendaral change. (Yep I made up a word, get used to it. Not the first time, won't be the last!) To be honest, I don't really want to go into it, but rest assured there's a lot. So again, Christians needed a winter holiday and since Easter season was already taken, they picked celebrating Christ's birth in December. Gotta spread the Christ love a little.

To make this a little shorter than 57 pages, I'm gonna go all Reader's Digest on you and sum things up a bit. So Christmas didn't start out all gifty gifty. In fact it didn't even become a Federal Holiday in America until 1870. There was a lot of controversy over the holiday in Europe for a period, citing that it caused a lot of rauckus behavior. So the Pilgrims being the stuffy folks they were, banned the celebration of Christmas in early American history. In fact, from 1659-1681 Christmas was banned in Boston. (Side note, I find it interesting they started early. Some of you will get that, some of you won't, either way it's just me saying - Hmm.) Moving on, so before the Civil War the North and South were very divided on how to celebrate Christmas. Some of you may know this and some of you are now learning, the south has always been a place of custom and socialization. So the Christmas season was another chance for social events and parties. For the North, Thanksgiving was a more appropriate time for celebrating. Post Civil War children's books helped promote the spread of many Christmas traditions, including tree trimming and presents from Santa Clause. (Which has a very storied history himself!!) By the late 1800's American's were caroling, baking, decorating and buying at Christmas time. Since then, materialism, the media and mass marketing have driven Christmas to what it is today. People going on Thanksgiving night to get steals of deals on TV's for themselves. Because we just can't live with out that mini cake pop maker another minute! But many of the former traditional Christmas traditions (I realize that's redundant and I tried to stop it, but, there was no other way. But this post is almost over and it gets better, I promise) were blended together from customs from many other countries. In fact, those other countries consider America's National Holiday to be, Christmas. Fun fact there for ya.

So while you're baking your brains out, agonizing over those spilled sprinkles, hanging a lifetime's worth of ornaments, or worried that if you go to church you'll actually have to sing a dreaded hymn, remember that Christmas was and is more than all of this. The Pastor from my home church was born on December 25th, and his father was as well a minister, and while growing up, his parents on many occasions had to sit him down and say "Stephen, all this is not about you." I think that's applicable to us all. This isn't about us. It's not about who gets what, or whose ham is worse, or the fact that we actually have to dress up once a year. Nope. It's so much more.

Doctor Seuss had it right.Christmas still came without all the bells and whistles, it came just the same. Because Christmas, is about proclaiming the love of Christ by celebrating his birth. Even if that's a few months off.

And THAT Charlie Brown ... is the REAL meaning of Christmas.

** Most of the information supplied here was former knowledge of my own, the rest was supplied from: http://www.thehistoryofchristmas.com/ **

Good Grief

Christie ... where have you been?! I used to get excited about your posts and now they're coming fewer and further between! What gives?!

Good question(s) reader. I will answer them! A few things have been going on actually, first I got a job. Yep, besides blogging and pretending to take care of my house, I have a part time job that I'm really enjoying. The hours allow me to spend most of my time with my honey bunny at home, and make some decent money. It's the ideal situation for my life, and so far so good! Thanks for caring. Also, there is my heavy involvement in Anti Human Trafficking. Along with a part time job, full time mommy job, I am a part-time-but-wish-it-was/could-be-full-time Anti Human Trafficking combatant. With some very big, cool and exciting things in the works for that. But I have most importantly, been grieving. Grieving the loss to be of my grandfather.

Wait so he hasn't passed away yet? What is wrong with you?! Yeah you're right, that sounds weird everywhere but in my head. No my grandfather (my mom's dad) has not passed away yet, but he is in the final stages of his battle with cancer. It has been over a year and a half since symptoms of pancreatic cancer first made their appearance, a few months after that, my grandpa was diagnosed and the rest of my family found out about it. And the war is coming to an end for him.

First I need you to know my Grandpa. He is one of the toughest most independent people you'll ever meet. But also one of the sweetest. Growing up, and still now, I always thought there wasn't anything this man couldn't conquer. He is big, although very thin and weak now, his hands, until I met Dr J (aka Julius Irving) were the biggest I'd ever seen - and the hairiest!!! I've always known him to be bald on top, but shaved around the back and edges. Tall, and well built, he was always a physical specimen. Mostly because that's how my grandma kept him! They are such an adorable married couple. They've been together for 60+ years and have been madly in love with each other every step of the way. My Grandma has been by his side always, telling him what to do, how to dress, what to eat and when. It's really comical to think back on their lives together, but it leaves an open blank for the future. With my grandpa sick, my grandmother does not know what to do with herself. She can't see her life with out her love and most importantly can't see what she will do with herself! She has always been a care taker and now there is no one to care for.

Which brings me back. Grief. Something we all experience at some point or another. Whether it's a loved one we mourn, or even that first pet goldfish ... Goldie. (We all named them the same it's okay we weren't creative with that fish we got at that fair that one time that your parents didn't want that only lived for a week anyway.) We love and we lose. It's cyclical as with anything, there is birth and there is death. So how do we grieve? Why did you title this stupid thing Good Grief? Charlie Brown reference? I thought this was going to be funny!?! Yes, it is a Peanuts reference, we all, or most of us old people, remember Charlie Brown's classic catch phrase. But there is truth to it. There is literally good grief. I am in a place of mourning someone who hasn't yet gone, but it's because seeing him in pain, and not his burly handsome - hunting - fishing - building his entire house himself - Korean war veteran - snowmobile riding - self is beyond words. I just got to see him yesterday in the Hospice facility near my parents house, and we asked if he wanted to watch TV, or read or anything, and all he said in his frail voice was, "no, I just lie here and look around." Look around a room that resembles a hospital room. A private area with a decent view outdoors, but just lay awaiting the inevitable.

I experience frequent bouts where I am overcome with pain at these thoughts and just burst into tears. Case and point right now. The thought of the worlds most independent person, stuck in a bed, not wanting to die, or to be in this place, is beyond measure. Which is why I cry. I would give anything to take his place. Have the stamina and the energy to undergo the surgery and the treatments. All of which he didn't have. But alas it wasn't to be. So I cry. Because I love. And even though my husband thinks I'm a wet nut job, someone who clearly cries too much (I adamantly refuse to watch Marley and Me because I know the ending.) but I know it's important for me to cry. Especially now. (Okay maybe not so much regarding fictional characters, but whatever!) Everyone experiences pain and mourning and we each express that grief in different ways. There is no one right or wrong way to deal with loss.

I have been crying almost every night the last few weeks. Am I proud of it? No. But I will say that letting it out, and being able to be vulnerable can help in the healing process. I will never be ready to let my grandpa go. Ever. But the fact of the matter is it is easier to cry now, then hold out hope of a miraculous miracle recovery or maybe my daughter will get to grow up knowing him only to be let down. I feel that letting my emotions out, makes me human.

My husband is like an emotional machine. Probably why he's a mechanical engineer. (Get it? Machine, mechanical - okay guys it's not funny if I have to explain it!) He has one face and one emotion. Only. It weirds some people out - including me, but it's just who he is. He experiences things internally. (Probably why we're such a good fit because we're about as polar opposite as they come!) Where as I blubber in church hearing about what happens after we die and thinking about my so beloved grandfather. He's sittin over there stone faced goin, what a weirdo! (Not to mention my other grandfather and a beloved uncle who passed away years ago, but the pain is still there).

I've had so many people tell me I should have been a cheerleader. I'm loud, obnoxiously so, and usually seen with a gigantic - thanks mom and dad for the braces - smile. I've been told I'm bubbly, spunky, infectious, and all the other synonyms I can't think of for those words right now. But letting people see that I am not just one face is good for my relationships too. Grief can be a way to become closer to others.

Since my first grandpa passed, when I was in high school, I have tried (little by little) to be closer to my grandparents. When you're a kid you don't think about them dying, but the fact is it happens. And you're never prepared. So I tried, and stupid as I often was, to care about them and make sure they knew it. It pains me more than anything to think that ever a day go by where they don't know, I mean full tilt boogie KNOW that I love them more than words could express. I hope those who have passed before knew that, and I'm trying to let all those still here know how much I care. It somehow makes things easier, knowing that.

That's a part of my grieving process, feeling guilty and remorseful for not being better for them. I could have done more, what about this or that? But again, everyone is different. Some people lament in the thought that their loved one is in a better place, or at peace. Some need counseling. Some need therapy. Some, like me, just need a few hundred boxes of tissues. But no matter how one chooses or is able to grieve, it is extremely important to do so. Letting emotions stay bottled and giving them no chance to air is unhealthy in so many ways. Most importantly on a psychological level. Bottled emotions can damage relationships and cause serious problems in the future.

So when you experience loss, as we all do, let your emotions out. Know that it is healthy, normal, and perfectly acceptable. Your mind, body, heart, and spirit will thank you. And so will the one you love. To know that you care so deeply for them.

So as I continue on my grief journey, I try to remain strong, but remind myself it's okay to let go and let the tears flow. It's okay to be sad sometimes and express that sadness (in a healthy way! Turning grief to anger for long periods of time is not typical nor is it healthy and I would advise you to seek counsel from a medical professional.) So I thank you for caring about me and my blog, and know that I have several more posts planned for the future! But for now my focus will turn to being with my family. Showing support and care for those so close to my grandfather. Because even after death, life continutes.

Care completely, grieve deeply.