This That And All Things Snowmenclature

Yeah, see that. See what I did there ... the puns and witty word plays are comin out already. Don't lie you like it!

But in all seriousness I'm hilarious. And I'm gonna hilarity you right into some info about SNOW ... the dreaded white stuff. The bane of everyone's existence. Except mine. I keep posting on Facebook about how I am the real life Elf ... You know the Will Ferrell movie about a human who was raised by elves at the North Pole and he always says everything's his favorite ... SNOW'S MY FAVORITE. When asked your favorite season most people say Spring or Summer due to sun and warm temperatures. I say all of em. It's one of the best things about living in Ohio, we experience all 4 seasons. There are attributes about each season I truly love. And in winter, my favorite is snow. So I get really really confused when people talk about how much they hate it?! Aww ... poor snow. It gets such a bad wrap!

Now I'm pretty sure I've narrowed down where my love for snow comes from. I spent my entire childhood enjoying Northern Michigan. And when I say Northern Michigan I don't mean Detroit. I mean, woods, dirt roads, I mean snow plows?, I mean you take a snowmobile into town ... NORTHERN Michigan. Every year we would go up for winter break and some extended weekends to enjoy the wintery wooded bliss. And when I was a kid, snow was always associated with something good. School closings, Snowmobiling, downhill skiing, sledding, ice skating, fires, hot cocoa ... FUN!!! And the adults caring for me (my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles) had all been doing the same things since THEY were kids and were extremely proactive in the "get out in the snow and have fun" attitude. Maybe that's where everyone else in the world went awry ... no one ever told them snow is FUN!

That being said, I've spent a many a Christmas getting thick socks and mittens for pro LONGED fun in SNOW! But one of my most favorite things about snow is something I've learned in various science classes over my long scholastic ... er I mean DISTINGUISHED -- there that sounds better -- distinguished scholastic career. So most people know that clouds contain moisture. And when that moisture builds up, it is released from said clouds and that's how we experience precipitation. Now I understand that I'm going to have 8 meteorologists contact me on Facebook to let me know that that is incorrect and there's more to the story, but for Blog's sake let's role with it. So when air temperatures reach around 32 degrees ... I said around, alright! Blogging is not an exact science.  Right, 32 degreesish ... the moisture in those clouds freezes and when released comes down as SNOW! ... Yep ... always gonna put SNOW! in CAPS with an exclamation point ... get used to it. Now here's the REALLY cool part ... and for those of you who know me -- which let's face it is all of you -- science and I don't get along. We never have since it did me that solid in the womb ... and to be honest it took a few short cuts ... WHY AM I NOT SMARTER?!?! But I digress ... I'm not a science girl, is my point, and this gets me geeked up. When water freezes it crystallizes. And every crystal that has ever formed is different. Think about that ... Every snowflake that has ever fallen in the history of ever (several billion tons of snow? Give or takeish?) is not like the others. I'm gonna let that sink in ... Just like people, God creates every snowflake differently and beautifully. I've never heard anyone ever see a snowflake and say ... DANG that's hideous! (Some people yes ... snowflakes no.) There is certainly a significant amount of beauty, cleanliness, and calm during snowfall. To just sit at a window and watch snow fall is one of the most serene activities. So that is first and foremost what I love about snow.

Now I want to talk about why you shouldn't completely freak out when it does SNOW! Most of us have seen or heard about that video clip of that guy ranting about bread and milk. And when I was in Toledo, Ohio this past weekend, they surely displayed that video in real life to the fullest. (Do people not understand that milk will go bad whether or not there is a snomageddon?????? Don't stock up on milk.) So here's why you shouldn't panic in snow. A. If you're reading this you MOST LIKELY live in an area in or around snow ... lets say OHIO ... perhaps. It's winter ... we're gonna get snow. Whoa ... I just straight up blew your mind! Yeah I know I do that sometimes ... habit. But people always act like it's a giant surprise. Like they've never heard of this ... "SNOW" before. It comes every year ... and IF you're an Ohioan ... it comes for a majority of the year ... yeah we can get snow in October and make it last to April! BOOM ... SNOW! (And orange barrels) THAT'S WHAT OHIO DOES! (In case you're counting on your fingers like I am, that leaves 5 months we don't usually get snow) So people ... prepare! And I certainly don't mean on milk ... that's just annoying. I mean on proper winter apparel and know how. Gotta keep your mind sharp Jack! (I didn't steal that from Duck Dynasty at all ... #probablygonnagetsuedbya&e)

So what DO you need to know about snow ... more than just my ridiculous obsession with it. First and foremost you need to know more than what the local weather tells you about frostbite. Seriously. Local media is PAID to be dramatic which in turn makes people panic. Drama sells ... just ask AMC ... #walkingdead ... #idon'thavetwitter ... So the more dramatic the news the higher the ratings. Now I'm not saying they don't know what they're talking about or that they're ALWAYS wrong ... but I do know that weather people make the most money and keep their jobs longer than anyone else I've ever seen being so wrong all the time ... #blizzardbill ... So when chatting with people and they're talking about how cold it is and it only takes 5 minutes to get frostbite in these temperatures it makes me wonder why I don't have frostbite?! Seriously, I had my kids outside for half an hour today ... we're all fine ... and really happy to be out of the house to be honest. So here's what I've found from the NATIONAL Weather Service ... Frostbite Chart ... Now you all know I'm no genius ... hate you science ... but I DO know how to read a chart. With weather conditions where I live currently being -8.8 Degrees with winds at 6 mph ... it FEELS like -22 Degrees. (When weather people say FEELS like that means how long it takes heat to leave the skin making your body feel temperature ... read that somewhere ... today actually ... in my quest to learn about frostbite ... neat ...) So according to this chart ... from THE National Weather Service (that's a .gov in there you saw, it's a government website, not me telling you this) ... I can be out for 30 minutes and most likely will not get frostbite. THIRTY minutes ... in -22 degrees. That's a long time. Contrary to extremely popular belief, if you go outside, you won't die. Just ask the 50 other people coming in to work out where I work right now ... I even heard one patron say ... "My daughter went out today, I said what are you nuts? They said you're not supposed to go out." My thought, then why are YOU here and HOW did you get here if you didn't go out sir ... just saying.

Which brings me to my next question. Why is everyone so worried about their kids getting frostbite that they can't ride a heated bus for 20 minutes? Where I live they cancelled school (4 days in advance) for what the news says is snow ... but we have no new snow ... and is really closed for cold temperatures ... but kids only need to be exposed for minutes at a time? Does that not fall on the parents to dress your children appropriately? As a parent who willingly took her kid out today (Granted in warmer temps, but still) it's my job to tell her 2 things -- 1. if you don't leave your scarf up we're going inside ... and 2. when she's older it's MY job to tell her she'll get frostbite and die and show her pictures of frostbite to terrify her into never taking her mittens off til I tell her. Not suing a school for making my kid stand outside for 3 minutes to go learn. I'm kinda not sure where society is headed these days. And PS ... it's OKAY to close school ... it is NOT okay to close school 4 days in ADVANCE. You wake up, it's still cold, close school again. Repeat. It's not hard. What happens when it's 32 degrees one of the days you closed school ... ? Anyone? Yep. It's chilly out, no doubt about it, but you won't die. Frostbite has GOT to be one of THE MOST preventable things out there. (Learn more about frostbite here) And the best thing to do, aside from keeping your time spent outside to a minimum, is dress appropriately. Uuuuhhh Scarf anyone?? It's like people have forgotten what it's like to dress warm in cold. I've heard several people say 5 minutes ... 5 minutes if you're in a bikini probably. But if you cover exposed skin and as yet to be stated, dress appropriately, you'll be fine. How in the world has anyone EVER explored the arctic circle, lived in Alaska, or climbed Everest. HOW? Bottom line, you're not gonna die, you can in fact leave your house. And as long as you're covered up, you won't get frostbite in 5 minutes.

Dress appropriately?? How? Well ... your superhero has arrived YET again ... you're welcome ... please hold your applause. Here's how to dress in cold weather. Layers of loose warm clothing. Unless you're that absolutely insane runner I saw a few days ago out running in JUST running shorts, a long sleeve shirt and a stocking cap ... skin tight clothing doesn't allow for warm air to stay close to your skin. And in case you're unfamiliar, that's where frostbite happens ... your skin. Don't cram your feet into those boots that were too small 7 years ago. Tight spaces don't allow for good blood circulation and can help frostbite develop faster. Same goes for your hands. Wear mittens yo. Gloves were cool in the '90's but it's time to bring the mit back. When your fingers stay together instead of being separated, they stay warmer. Wear a hat that completely covers your ears. And scarves ... for heavens sake wear a scarf. This is cold people not rocket scientology! I don't care if you don't think it's cool, or fun, or if you don't like it. I'm tired of hearing you complain about how cold it is and go outside with a naked head. So wear your dang scarf! And I suppose I should pry put this in here too ... wear a jacket. Yeah turns out coats keep you ... ummm ... what's that word, oh yeah warm. I have to put a plug in here for Columbia jackets ... I have had the same coat for 10 years ... and I SWEAT when I wear it with a t-shirt in the winter. I RARELY bundle up when I put it on because I typically get too warm. And the great part about Columbia, they aren't NEARLY as expensive as North Face ... and my Jacket just says Columbia on it ... it's not a NR90xTripleZ2000 ... it's a coat, not a car. So go buy yourself a good winter coat. Okay I THINK I touched on everything ... if you have questions ... you know where to stalk me. OR! You can try this crazy new fangled thing called the Internets ... they let me use it, so ... ya know ... they'll pry let you too!

And lastly but most definitely not leastly. The other big complaint I hear about winter and SNOW! is driving in it. So let me first say that I've done my very fair share of driving in NASTY snowy conditions. I said SNOW is my favorite, not driving in it. There's a difference. But I was in outside sales for almost 2 years, I've driven in snow ... in a G6 ... not the plane, the car. The ole front wheel drive sleigh! Because lets be honest, Pontiac is about as front wheel as it gets. But let me give you some tips I used and or figured out while sliding my way around for work. First of all ... focus on yourself. Don't worry about what other people are doing ... we've ALL seen that one guy in his 8 ton Suburban blasting down the highway at 900 miles an hour getting all ticked at everyone else trying not to die. "Claaaark, I don't wanna spend the holiday's dead!" Don't worry about that guy ... let him tail you, or flip you off, or honk or whatever ... you focus on you. Especially if you're an anxious driver like I am. Next, start slowing by gently applying pressure, and then GENTLY pumping your breaks on upcoming stops. This will significantly diminish if not eliminate sliding. When you pump, do it slowly and gently about every 1-2 seconds. You don't need to push it all the way to the floor first try. And remember to start slowing down much earlier than you normally would. That being said, don't try to accelerate too quickly, coming off a stop or through a turn. That will make you slip and slide the most. So don't think, "yep I can make it before that car gets here" because no you can't. Or maybe yes you can but you just slammed into that other dude. Wait until you have enough time to safely and slowly make your move. Carry kitty litter in your trunk. Serious. Kitty litter is really good for a lot of things besides cat poo, but one of the best uses is to help give your tires traction if you ever get stuck. Nothin worse than spinnin a hole in some guys yard ... yeah I definitely did that once. Dump some litter on front and back of the tires that are struggling and "rock" your car by switching it quickly from drive to reverse while giving it a little gas. In addition to the kitty litter, it's always a good idea to keep a car emergency kit, an extra blanket, gloves and a bottle of water in your trunk. True story, a woman I used to go to school with had her car break down with below 0 temps. It happens in real life and with no heat coming out of your car, it's a good idea to have somethin in your trunk ... both figuratively and literally. Don't forget the straighter your tires are when you drive, the more traction they have. My amazing and incredibly studly husband taught me that years ago. Makes sense when you think about it, but honestly how many of us actually think about it. Yeah. So when you approach a turn or slippery areas, try to ensure your tires are as aligned as possible in the direction you want to go. This includes being stuck. Don't turn your tires unless you're turning them to a straight position. Turning your wheels can dig your hole deeper and give your tires less traction. So just stay straight until you get out and then proceed to turn in any direction you need to head. Finally, when switching lanes, it can be tricky with all that "mashed potato" slush left over from where the plows don't get. Here's what I do for a safe maneuver every time. Turn on turn signal ... shocked ya with that step 1 didn't I? Then let off gas completely. Gently and slowly shift your car into the next lane. When completely clear of slush or car has returned to driving straight, resume pushing gas pedal slowly. You don't want to gas or break during a transition like that because it's much easier and more likely your car can slip. When in doubt ... let off the gas!

And here's the obvious, but maybe not because it happens. Last 2 things you need to do before winter driving. One. Make sure the tires on your car are in fact winter tires. Good tires can and do make all the difference when driving in crazy conditions. And B. Make sure your car has gas. Not just for long trips, but all the time. People want to run their cars as low as possible all the time, but this is more dangerous in winter because you will have a much more difficult time walking for gas.

So ... people ... don't freak out and hate up on snow. It's not snow's fault! We have brains and we can think but usually don't. Snow is just beautiful, sparkling and magnificent. Don't fear snow. Don't hate it. Accept it. Accept it for one of God's most amazing gifts. It is so majestic and brilliant and maybe ... just MAYBE this post will make you look at snow in a whole new light next time. There's NO fun like SNOW fun!!! ;) ENJOY winter everyone! ENJOY!

Safety First!!

My husband is constantly antagonizing me for things he knows get under my skin. It's kinda like a game for him, see how nuts I can make Christie. He just thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen to watch this Kraut (that's slang for German) go bat crap crazy. One of his favorites is to make fun of the fact that I'm a Lifeguard. Sure Lifeguard and Professional Rescuer don't sound like they belong together but rest assured they do. Lifeguards save lives all the time around the country and it's a job that MUST be taken seriously or people could die. If that's not serious I don't know what is. Never the less he likes to make fun of me for being hyper vigilant. I have been a lifeguard since I was 16 and when you have over a decade of experience doing something, you can't really turn it off. Kinda like how I'd like him to turn off his engineering but it's ALWAYS on!!

Take for example when we were in Aruba on our honeymoon, there were some European kids that were constantly running around the pool at our resort. I told my new husband every day those kids shouldn't run they're going to get hurt. What do you think happened?? Last day we were there, we're walking by the outdoor pool side bar and there is a huge crowd of people. One of those kids was running, slipped and skidded across one of the GIGANTIC bolts holding up the pillars for the awning on the bar. And I do mean GIGANTIC. This kid had a vicious gash up his leg and would most definitely have to go to a hospital in Aruba. There. Told ya so!!

One of the things that I am most hyper vigilant about is pool and water safety. Water safety had been ingrained in me even before I was a Lifeguard. One set of grandparents lived on a lake and the other set had an above ground pool. It was clear from day 1 we were to be careful. Needless to say when my dad became a Fireman and EMT things escalated to the next level of BE SAFE. I still remember our safety plan if the house I grew up in ever caught fire. At any rate, this is something that is especially important to me.

I recently went to a development pool with a few friends; moms with children the same age as my sweet cheeks. We got on the subject of pool/water safety and it broke my heart to say that there have been several child drownings I have heard about in the Cleveland/NE Ohio area. To do my best to make sure this doesn't happen to anyone I know, here is what you need to know to be water safe.

1. Get your kids into swim lessons ASAP. I am extremely passionate about the fact that every child should learn how to swim! Not just because I'm a swimmer, or a Lifeguard, or because I teach swim lessons, but because it could save their life and it's a life skill. My pumpkin and I practice in the bathtub. We practice lying on our back, kicking with straight knees, forward arm motion and blowing bubbles. You don't need a pool to practice the basics with your kids and get them comfortable with the idea of being in water.

2. From day 1 tell your kids to BE SAFE AROUND WATER. Some kids will listen better than others, I understand. But always tell your child to NEVER go around water without you. In swim lessons when I talk about safety I always have the kids repeat "NEVER SWIM ALONE." To promise me they'll always go swimming with a parent, adult or Lifeguard. Treat areas of water like a parking lot - same rules apply! Don't go running off, hold my hand, stay by me. That being said, if your child can't swim or can't swim well, YOU SHOULD NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE. I made a save on a little girl once at a pool party who got confused and thought she could go off the diving board like the other little girls. She got in line and unbeknownst to me, hadn't passed the swim test. She went off and couldn't get to the edge. Her mother was not there and by the time she got there was LIVID. By the way her daughter was 100% completely fine - until mommy came around screaming at her. Please know, that your child is YOUR responsibility. If they can't swim, you shouldn't leave them at a swim party. End. Of. Story. If you MUST leave your child, you need to leave explicit instructions with the other parents and Lifeguards on duty your child can't swim and should not leave the shallow end.

3. BE VIGILANT. Water is always something we adults want to relax around. If you  have children you should NOT EVER go to water expecting to relax. There was a headline I read this summer about a child who drowned because the babysitter was Facebooking. When you are around water with children BE THERE. It literally only takes a few seconds for a child to drown and only 2 inches of water. Know where your child is and if the water is knee deep or higher be within arms reach of your child (unless it's a baby, then it's obvious). Also know who you are leaving your children with and if there is a possibility they will be around water.

4. Just because your child is wearing a floatation device does NOT mean you don't have to pay attention anymore. The pool I started working at when I first became a Lifeguard had a rule, if your child has to wear a floatation device you MUST be within arms reach. I can't begin to tell you how many parents gave me attitude about this rule. News flash cocky parent, when your kid gets kicked in the head, or knocked out of their floaty ring and are in too deep of water to touch or unconscious, you're gonna feel really bad then. It happens, you need to be there! Lifeguards should be a last resort for preventable incidents!!

5. Know the signs of drowning. A Lifeguard recently had to save a little girl from drowning who was inches away from her father who was clueless she was in jeopardy. If your child is bobbing up and down and not making forward motion in the water while flailing arms - this is a sign they are in trouble!! Don't write everything off as play. Some drowning victims cannot call out for help so it is important to be aware and pay attention. Know how your child swims and how they play to know the difference between innocent bobs in the water and drowning. Remind your children not to call out for help unless they actually need it. I was on duty once and had to tell a little girl to please stop screaming help who clearly did not need it playing in the sand at waters edge. Lifeguards are trained to listen for cries for help and it is distracting when a child who is not in danger continues to do so.

6. Children should have fun in and around water. But it's important to do it safely. Don't encourage dangerous activities such as balancing on floatation devices like noodles or wake boards near pool edges or hard surfaces. Make sure to tell your children to NEVER run on pool decks. They are incredibly slippery and your child could fall and suffer head trauma. Make sure your kids don't participate in games where "dunking" or shoving under water is called for. This one sounds no fun but can be hard to determine when children need help or are playing. Just tell your kids no dunking!

7. If you have water at your house TAKE THE NECESSARY PRECAUTIONS. Have it fenced off with a LOCKING gate. Post a sign that the fence MUST ALWAYS BE LOCKED for guests or maintenance people. Have a Ring Buoy available. If you have children either put locks at the top of your doors and keep them locked or put alarms on the doors to know when children go out. If you are outside and so are your children DO NOT mow the lawn or other distracting activities. Even if other precautions are taken children disobey and can get into pools and other areas where they are not supposed to be. If you are not around you will not see or hear if they need help.

Lastly ... if you do ever see an emergency here is how to react. CALL FOR ADDITIONAL HELP! If you are alone call 911 FIRST - tell them what the emergency is, where you are and to send help. Leave the phone on, operators will not hang up for at least the first few minutes. Plus they can help trace where you are if that was not heard or understood. Next, if you cannot swim well DO NOT GO IN AFTER A DROWNING VICTIM!!! EVER!!! A drowning persons natural instinct is to push or pull themselves higher up. This means they will latch on to you and push you down under the water to get themselves up to safety. If you cannot swim well, or know what you're doing, going in the water will put your life in serious danger. NEVER underestimate what a human can do under such serious duress. You can't help someone if you too are drowning. If this is the case look for something to either throw out to them or reach to them. Items could be a Ring Buoy - the "lifesaver" commonly seen hanging around water areas. To use: Unravel the chord, step on the end, throw PAST the person in need, crouch down low to the ground, and pull in hand over hand slowly yelling to the victim to "GRAB ON!" If first attempt is unsuccessful, pull in quickly and try again. You can also use a noodle, a towel, a milk jug on a rope or a long stick. It's HIGHLY important if you are reaching out to someone that you are LOW to the ground. You'll do them no good if they pull you into the water as well. Pull the person into safety as quickly as possible. Try to wrap them in a dry towel or clothes and have them lie down. Be sure to tell them help is on the way. If you pull an unconscious person from water, perform CPR if you know it.

Please note this is NOT a professional rescuer class. I'm not a licensed instructor. DO NOT count this blog as a course in professional rescuing!! YOU ARE NOT NOW A PROFESSIONAL RESCUER! This is the bare essentials basics to helping you and your family stay safe around water! Merely tips and guidelines to help you in an emergency and hopefully prevent emergencies. I STRONGLY encourage you to take a CPR course at your local Fire Department, community center or Red Cross.

BE SAFE. BE SMART. BE VIGILANT! PROTECT YOUR KIDS!

Ned Flandersessesessses

"Ned Flanders: [surprised by the pink mutated multi-eyed squirrel] Well, this certainly seems odd, but, heh, who am I to question the work of the Almighty? Oh, we thank you Lord for this mighty fine intelligent design! Good job!" - IMDB. Some of you know the incredibly hilarious work of Matt Groening, the creator of the Simpsons. And if you don't, it's an animated show about a hyper dysfunctional family - The Simpsons. A main character of the show is the main families next door neighbor ... Ned Flanders. Ned is the epitome of a goody-two-shoes. He never curses, goes to church every Sunday, wears his mustache proudly and is absolutely devout. At times even more so than the town minister - Reverend Lovejoy. Naturally the main character Homer Simpson hates his neighbor, primarily because Ned is everything Homer isn't. 

So in all honesty, is Ned Flanders an accurate representation of a Christian? I have to say, partly, yeah. There are all kinds of stigma's out there about Christians. And to be fair, I'm really sick of being associated with "ignorant bigots."  I have been called that by people I don't know based solely on the fact that I am a follower of Jesus. Okay things just got real up in here people!  ... She said "Jesus" which is right up there with the F-Bomb!! Sweet Mercy! I'm embarrassed, is she gonna preach to me? What is this blog turning INTO?!?!

Okay woah ... take a breath .... iiiiinnnn and ooouuutt. Better? Great. No. I'm not going to preach, possibly teach, but definitely not preach. I'm also not going to throw Christianity down your throat. The SOLE purpose of this post is to hopefully shed some light on Christianity and religion, answer questions you MAY have and if nothing else, enlighten you. Even if Jesus isn't your thing, please finish this post. It's not too long, and you may just learn something!

There is a lot of talk about Christians and Christianity these days, especially with things like gay marriage on the ballot, it's turning into a bit of a he said she said all out war out there. Makes me sad. Sad to see so much hate back and forth. And in that battle (that I'm not really a part of) I end up being called names I don't deserve to be called which makes me very sad and a little angry to be frank. Now I can't go into everything with you today or this blog post would be about a thousand pages long and lets face facts, no one can tolerate that much of me. But here are some simple basics for those of you not "in the know."

First of all God loves everyone. Let's put that misnomer to bed right here and now. There are 2 kinds of Christians in the world, the minority of LOUD extremists who twist the truth to fit their ideals. THIS is the face of current Christianity and it's not right. They do NOT accurately reflect what and who God is. Then there is the MAJORITY of silent Christians. Those of us who believe in the Love, Peace, Joy, Grace, Mercy, Love, Power, Authority, Love, Kindness, Caring, Generosity, and Love of God. We believe these things, but because of the loud minority and those who do not want to know Christians as anything else, we are not heard. God's love cannot be heard above the noise. The noise of stigma, the noise of hatred, the noise of politics - too much noise. Or we do not speak up because we are too terrified of being persecuted based on the aforementioned stigma and being called an "ignorant fool" for saying that God loves everyone no exceptions. (That actually happened once, I'm not kidding.) So if you are gay, straight, single, married, happy, sad, divorced, lonely, devoted, lost, found, homeless, friendless, helpless, hopeless ... God loves you. He sees you no matter who you are, or where you are and He loves you beyond any love you could ever know in this life. The beauty of it is that there is probably no more IMPERFECT person that walks this earth than me. I mess up like it's my job ... pretty much literally. And the truth that I must face is that NO MATTER WHAT I DO ... God loves me. Doesn't matter if I don't like what I see in the mirror; hate my voice, hate my hair, hate my varicose veins before 30, hate my stomach, hate my ears, hate hate hate ...  God loves. He made me. He created everything about me JUST EXACTLY the way He wanted me. If nothing else that makes me take pause right there. To know I hate me and it makes my God sad. If I hate me and it makes Him sad, how do you think He feels when we hate each other????  God is Love. Even if you don't learn anything else in this post, know that.

Next. I've been told I'm an idiot because I told someone that Atheism is a religion. Well, I went to a Liberal Arts College and took 2 Religion classes there and learned a TON about many different religions, including my own. Hate to break it to you, but 2 Ph.D's of religion and apparently whomever wrote and published our text books agreed, Atheism is the belief in nothing - no God, no higher power, nothing. The definition of religion is the belief in something. Even if that belief is in nothing ... it's still a belief, thus making Atheism a religion. So if you denounce religion and consider yourself an Atheist ... know that you are still a religion. Just a fact. I didn't make the rules, I'm just followin em.

I may be the last man standing on this, but the Bible is a historical document. Yeah, I know, silly crazy Christie, there she goes again! So let's think this one through a little bit. There are sections of the current standard Bible - Old Testament and New Testament. The Old Testament is the section before Jesus, the NEW Testament tells about Jesus and what Christians believe - the Gospel or "Good News" about Jesus. (If you want to learn more about Jesus, I encourage you to pick up, borrow or download a Bible and skip on down to the New Testament and read about him. You can also use a new fangled thing called The Internets and Google you some Christ! Beware, that might not bring you the most accurate information, but if nothing else it's a start!) Now a lot of the Old Testament takes place - like it's a play or something - in or around Egypt. Mostly due to the fact that there was a time in history when the Egyptians used the Jews as slaves. Thanks to archeologists - The Indiana Jones's of the world we know that the Egyptians were master record keepers. They liked to write so much they invented paper - papyrus, processed palm leaves. They also had dudes called Scribes. Since not everyone in that day could write, it was considered a skill, there was a specific job just for people to walk around and write stuff down. No I'm not kidding. This was a time of the original tablet ... of stone. So they would go about and follow people around and write everything they said and did down, roll it up, and put it in storage. So back to the Bible, well we know that many of the passages of the Bible are accurate because we can compare them with official Egyptian records of the Pharaoh from the same time. They reflect the same dates, names and cities. Sometimes the actual event details can look a little different depending on who wrote it, but let's face facts, there are always 2 sides to every story - am I right? Needless to say, scholars have been able to verify much of the Bible  using other official documents from the Egyptians or the Romans who were ALSO amazing at writin stuff down. In fact, it's the Romans who killed Jesus, and they're the one's who wrote all that stuff down for us about the who, what, where, when, why etc. So thanks Romans! There are also sections of the Bible that are written in the form of a letter from one person to another or a set of people's. These letters were written down and saved, passed down for generations, collected and compiled. I will say that sometimes passages talk about our beliefs or personal stories or even prophecies - things that are less tangible, but never the less, the historical accuracy of the Bible shouldn't be discounted. Just somethin to think about and hopefully read about.

Lastly, if you are a skeptic, which many people are, I understand. If I'm honest and truthful with myself, which I'm often not - no Christie, that shirt does NOT accentuate your fupa! - I've had doubts about God myself. There are so many things that happen in this world and in our lives that sometimes it feels like God can't be real. If He was the world would be a perfect place. Our God is a loving and faithful God and made a promise to every one of us - believer or not - that He would always be there for us. Hurt with us, cry with us, comfort us, love us and never ever ever leave us. Even when we turn our back on Him, or have never known about Him, He is always there. Because He is our creator, our "Father", and He fulfills His promises. It has been proven in the past, and if we open our eyes to it, He does now too. The thing about belief is that it's tricky. God doesn't make Himself known in burning bushes that aren't consumed, or show up at the local watering hole in the form of a person like He did in the past. He's not that visible because He doesn't need to be. We need to be faithful without having seen or touched. And in an overstimulated society where if it doesn't look real we're unamused, that can be a hard thing. Which is why the reward is that much sweeter. I live my life with so much less stress, worry, hate, anger, fear, doubt, and anxiety because of my God.

Ned Flanders gets flack from Homer all the time about living such a tight life. Flanders lives in fear of going to hell so does everything including the impossible (it's a cartoon) to ensure that doesn't happen. But in doing so, he often DOES reflect a good Christian. He teaches his children about God and love, makes sure they are kind, treats Homer like he would want himself to be treated - even though Homer is consistent in his antagonizing, he is a community leader and is caring and compassionate toward others. These are the things that I wish more people could see. Instead of viewing all Christians as "do-gooder, ignorant, bigoted, fools" I wish we were considered the kindhearted, generous, caring, joyful, loving, voice of reason.

If you have more questions on Christianity, and I sincerely hope you do, here is a GREAT book for beginning your investigation: The Case For Christ by Lee Strobel. He was an Atheist who set out to completely disprove God, and during his quest became a Christian because of the undeniable evidence he found. This may not be the case for you, but it is an excellent resource for information and intellectual insights.

Lastly, please remember 2 things. First, God is Love. Second Christians aren't perfect - no one is. We try our imperfect best to put a little good into the world which is what God wants. And to be honest, we make mistakes. But that should not be a reason to write off an entire religion or lump a huge group of people (2.18 Billion Christians) into one little category. We are not all the same but true Christians should set somewhat of an example of how to live a joy filled, happy, loving life by caring for those around them. Doesn't mean they won't slip up, we're all human ... but it does mean if we have that happiness inside, we should try to spread it.

Hope this addressed at least SOME of the stigma associated with Christianity and that if you are not a follower of Christ, you would be open to educating yourself further on what that means - even if you never consider yourself a follower, it would be handy to have all the facts.

Thanks for listening ... er uh I mean reading and I sincerely hope this brought some light and insight into your life.