Pfft ... Kids ... Who Needs Em?!

You know how people always say being a parent changes everything?? Well I can honestly say that statement is true ... but not necessarily in the way(s) you'd think. Having a kid has changed my sleep, they way I do dishes and the laundry, what I watch on TV, the words that come out of my mouth, when and if I get to take a shower and my level of availability. (Or I should say unavailability) If you ask me these are all relatively minor life changes. Simple things completely worth it to share my life and time with the splendid little miracle God saw fit to bless the bejeebers outta my life with.

The things I DIDN'T expect to change were how people look at me. Now I'm not necessarily a "Young Mommy" - like on the show 16 and Pregnant. I'm 28, so it shouldn't be a big deal. And yet ... here come the looks. Angry awkward looks in public. Not because I'm young no, but because I have a kid.

True story, my husband plays in a sand volleyball league at a low key, laid back, family bar nearby where we live. It's a fun time and we've been going to this bar for over 3 years and there have ALWAYS been babies and children of all ages there. So to think it would be any kind of big deal to take our 2 year old, never crossed our minds. Now my husband's team plays at all different times, so we can't always go together, but the last time we were there Emma was playing fine and dandy in the corn hole area. It was fine because she was content pushing her umbrella stroller back and forth down the alley not bothering anyone. Then out of nowhere a foursome of young adults - about my same age, walk onto the court with out so much as a how-do-ya-do put their beers and buckets down and expected me and my kiddo to vamanos. Okay, I totally understand that that area is for playing corn hole not toddlers. I'm not stupid, but you don't have to be rude about it either. A simple, hey sorry would it be okay if we played? Really too much to ask is it? Well needless to say, my kid has a problem with authority ... my authority when I tell her she can't do something or go somewhere. So when I had to usher her out of the spot she'd been playing in for the last half hour, it was confusing and ticked her little mind off to no end. The only sympathy I got was from 1 of the guys who hated to see a little girl in tears and offered to stop playing so she could continue her toddler romping. I appreciate that, but in the ensuing tantrum from hates I got the most vulgar looks of "What is that and get it away from me." Now in my defense, I was trying to get her to the parking lot and away from patrons as quickly as possible - and let me tell you a thrashing 25 pounder isn't as easy to wrangle as most people think. But the looks of pure unadulterated hate for me having a crying kid were just insane.

Since when has the public turned on children?? I know hearing a crying kid isn't fun when you're trying to have a good time, but is that any reason to throw death stares at the parent? We were outside, in a loud bar environment. Not like we were in the library of Congress or anything. So she cried for 10 minutes ... boo hoo to you. She's 2. She doesn't know what she's doing pisses you off. She only knows that she's mad and she's going to express it the way she knows how.

As I'm growing as a parent, I'm just trying to wrap my brain around the fact that people have to be so rude towards parents with children. Like having a kid is a death sentence? Children in public are like the plague ... everyone stands back in disgust and wishes it would go away. I personally think it's sad. Such a negativity towards children springing up amongst young people. I LOVED kids when I was younger and still do. I am failing to see the problem for others. Do I say anything when you're blowing your death smoke in my kids face? No. So why do you hate on me because I'm trying to have fun with my kid in public. She's no perfect pumpkin, but then who are we kidding neither are you.

One possibility is the growing generations of lax discipline from parents. Children being spanked less and coddled more. For screaming and acting up in a store they get candy ... only reinforcing that if the kid acts that way, they'll get what they want. "I've seen it a hundred times." So when those children go out in public they give a bad name to all children?

I'm not saying I'm a perfect parent, or that I have all the answers ... no. No one does. Parenting is an imperfect, mistake riddled, unscientific science. We try, we fail, we do the best we can with what we got. So I'm sorry that my TWO  year old had a tantrum in public. It's what two year olds do. Should I become a shut in until I'm SURE my kid won't cry anymore?? Uh no. News flash I'm 28 and almost cried in public last week. If we followed that logic we'd never leave, subsequently rendering me completely mentally insane.

The fact remains that there is a negative stigma attached to children and it makes me sad. Instead of embracing kids, loving them, and trying to show compassion or empathy for the mom who's well into her 5th fit of the day, it's only compounded with looks of disgust and appalling. I already feel bad, you don't need to make it any worse. I know I look like a parent who doesn't have a handle on their kid, but children are unpredictable at times. I can't say with any amount of certainty when she's gonna go all out tears to the wall!

So if you don't have children or don't like children ... I urge you to consider the circumstance and extend a little courtesy. And by that I mean, don't throw your death laser stare my way, it's not helping. Just make a joke about me to your friends and keep it in your circle. I'm embarrassed enough without you looking at me like I'm a leper.

Next you go out, if you are a parent - chin up, they'll grow out of it and  you're doing the best you can. If you're a bystander, just look the other way, give a glimpse of mercy and go about your business, they'll grow out of it - hopefully you will too.

Cheers to kids!

Luuuuke ... I am your Father

As many of us know that is and was one of the most classic movie lines from Star Wars. Where Darth Vader - the super villain, reveals to noble Luke Skywalker that he is in fact Luke's Father. A twist many didn't see coming mostly because Luke was there to kill Vader, but after this revelation Luke has second thoughts.

Now I know what you're thinking ... seriously ... we're goin with a Star Wars synopsis? Yeah well no, but kinda. It's more or less a really good quote for Fathers. But in all seriousness Fathers come every which kinda way. The great, the good, the bad and the ugly. Which should make each and every one of us that much more appreciative if we didn't have the latter.

My dad? My dad was great. He didn't really do the baby thing, and for that I have empathy for my mom. BUT he was extremely active in our little league and up years especially when it came to sports. He coached two of my softball teams, a basketball team and coached my brothers in soccer. He helped me learn how to pray and made me compassionate for others. He taught me about money, how to spot a scam and how to drive - God bless him for that.

My dad has his faults, as all dads do. But one thing I commend him for is always trying. He has always tried to do his best for us. Falling short sometimes as all parents must, but making the honest and true effort to mold and shape his children's lives for the better. Teaching respect, honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness, kindness, compassion, caring, empathy, sympathy, faithfulness and even good sportsmanship. Things I'm truly grateful for.

My dad smoked from the time he was 16 til ... well I'm not even entirely sure, 40's I think. But he hid it from us when we were little. He's 100% German so naturally he's more bull headed than an actual bull and nothing anyone would tell him made any kind of difference in his willingness to quit. He liked smoking and everyone has to die sometime right?! (Truly his standpoint ... not lying) Until one day my mom came to him and said what about the kids. Don't you want to be there for them? My dad quit smoking for me. Now I realize that's nothing to you, but to me that says a lot. He loves me more than he loves himself.

He also told me awhile ago that when my brothers and I were born, very close together I might add, he made a commitment that every Salvation Army bucket he passed he would give money to. And every single year since he has lived up to that commitment. One day he was on his way into a store that had the bell ringer out in front and he realized he had no cash. Not even a penny. He drove all the way home, got money and came back JUST so he wouldn't pass the bucket without giving. These are lessons I take serious mental note both as an adult and as a parent. Compassion for the homeless which I have seen  him give to. Making the effort to not donate food to food banks that he wouldn't eat himself. "Just because they have less than I do doesn't mean they have to eat that way." Awww dad.

Some other qualities I get from my dad, his looks - round face and mousy blond hair, I'm 28 and I look like I'm 16, I'll thank him in my later years. His temper and absolute bull stubbornness, his boisterous voice and extremely outgoing personality. My dad is the guy who talks to the high school basketball team like they know him. He's also the guy who knows someone LITERALLY everywhere we go - and I mean LITERALLY. My dad is the only voice I could ever hear when swimming. When you're in the water all voices sound the same and they're all blurred ... not my dad! He would yell as loud as he could - KICK IT UP CHRISTIE!!! GO GO GO!! And daggummit I would give it all I had when I could hear that. Even if I didn't actually go faster, it felt like I did.

I always loved him for his support for a sport he was neither familiar or fond of. My dad is a basketball, baseball, football guy ... there is not swimming in there. But he came, paid attention, cheered, kept track of times ... because he cared. I wasn't the best, I didn't go to states or anything extra special, but geez oh man if my dad didn't treat me like I did. I still have a little plaque he had made for me in high school that says - "You're #1 in my heart." Dang dad! Way to tug at the ole heart strings!! I made him proud even if I didn't win everything. Grateful.

I also got his corny sense of humor, not as grateful, and his love for classic cars. All things I hope to someday pass to my daughter. My dad loved, and laughed with us. Made up silly games for us. He's the reason I dry my hair the way I do, the reason I don't throw like a girl, and the reason I give my all in all I do.

So many of these qualities I see in my husband and it makes my heart sing to know he will be a great dad like my dad. Teaching her things like, how to turn a wrench, rub a little dirt on it, and to always think through the problem. Thankful.

I love my dad. He's always been there for me through the tough, the awesome, the rough, the great and the giggly. Thanks for helping to shape me into a good human being dad. I hope through it all, I make you proud.

Happy Father's Day to the good one's out there. You work hard, and trust me, it pays off. You're loved, you're appreciated, and here's to hoping that springs forth more good dads. CHEERS!

Memory

So ever since I got pregnant remembering ANYTHING is not in the cards for me. The old wives tale about "Baby Brain" remains true for me today almost 3 years later. Seriously one day I forgot the word Power Strip ... TWICE. At any rate, that's not to say that the long term memory is mostly in tact. I can usually remember how old I am, what my name is - on a good day, and who my parents are. I can also remember more often than not that my brothers are US Air Force Veterans (Iraqi War, one is currently serving in Africa). And not just them, but both my Grandfathers were US Army Veterans of World War II and the Korean War (Aka the forgotten war). My dad would have gladly been drafted during Vietnam but fortunately for me and my family he wasn't. The heart of the military lives in him though. My mom's brother was in the Army although not in combat. And I have many friends who are or were Coast Guard, Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines. Kinda feel like I'm in good company with some good people!

So what does remembering who did or is what have anything to do with anything? So very glad you asked. Memorial Day is tomorrow. A time for cookouts, corn hole and good times. But Memorial Day did not start off with that intention in mind. Memorial Day was originally called Decoration Day but has always been to honor those past and present who have served their country. To honor and REMEMBER the fallen and their sacrifice for those they never met. The idea of Memorial Day has foggy beginnings, in fact over two dozen cities lay claim to the origins of Memorial Day. It appears that Southern Women were decorating graves of the fallen before the end of the Civil War. Which is where Decoration Day came from. To visit, decorate and commemorate the graves of fallen soldiers. To REMEMBER them and what they have done for us. Matter of fact, I think it bears repeating that over two dozen cities lay claim to this holiday's origins. Which means that with out prompting, hundreds of people in different places and at different times organized and gathered to honor the dead. It's human nature.

May 5, 1868 General John Logan officially commissioned his order: General Order No. 11 to declare Memorial Day and was first celebrated on May 30, 1868 by placing flowers on the graves of those who lost their lives during the Civil War at Arlington National Cemetery. The first state to recognize the holiday was New York in 1873. The idea of wearing Red Poppies for Memorial Day came from the poem "In Flanders Fields." That poem inspired Moina Michael to write the following:

We cherish too, the Poppy red
That grows on fields where valor led,
It seems to signal to the skies
That blood of heroes never dies.

She wore them and sold them to her friends and donated the money to servicemen in need. The idea took off in Europe and eventually made it's way back to the United States where presently the VFW sells artificial red poppies made by disabled veterans. (If you see them, buy one, it's for a good cause.)

Over the years several groups and organizations have dedicated themselves to REMEMBERING our fallen hero's. Every Thursday before Memorial Day, the 1,200 soldiers of the 3rd US Infantry place small American flags at EACH of the 260,000 graves at Arlington National Cemetery. Then they patrol in 24 hour shifts to ensure that every flag remains standing and have done so every year since the late 1950's. Since 1951 the Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts of St. Louis have placed flags on the 150,000 graves at Jefferson Barracks National Cemetery as an annual "Good Turn." In 2004 Washington held it's first Memorial Day parade in over 60 years.

But the fact remains that more Americans would rather spend their extra day off work lounging around the Barbeque enjoying a hot dog, than spending a few moments at the grave of someone who gave their all. Observance of this National Holiday has fallen from REMEMBERING status, to party status. Suffice it to say that enjoying yourself isn't a crime - no. It's just that it's not hard to take a moment, be silent, think, REMEMBER, google or any other method to honor men and women who gave their life for your burger. You are where you are today, enjoying the freedoms and liberties you are, because someone believed in that so much they sacrificed their life. That concept for me is so monumental that I typically get emotional thinking about it. I'm so important, someone else died so I could live ... Amazing.

Now I realize not every family is like mine. When you walk into my parents house it's like the 4th of July all year round. My dad makes a point that whenever he sees someone in uniform, wearing a VFW hat or driving a car with a veteran license plate, he goes out of his way to talk to them and say Thank You. Crazy to you, important to us. So many people don't, it feels like "if not me then who." The Vietnam War sullied our nations reputation for supporting our troops. When they were returning home they were welcomed with spit and spews of hate. We are now a nation who likes to think we "SUPPORT OUR TROOPS". And I'm sure many of you do. But how many of you stand up at your gathering and tell everyone a moment of silence should be observed before partaking in that pasta salad? How many of you go to cemetery services? How many of you use your Monday to personally Thank a Veteran - not just post it on Facebook? (If you don't know one, I can help you out.) These are the things that TRULY honor those who have and are serving. They are inconvenient and sometimes difficult, but they are what Memorial Day is about. Not just chips and beer.

So I will take tomorrow, and REMEMBER those who have given. Freedom isn't Free ... it comes at a cost. And some paid the debt for all.

In Flanders Fields

 In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields. (John McCrae, 1915)

** Information used in this blog was obtained from: http://www.usmemorialday.org/backgrnd.html - feel free to visit and learn more about the origins of Memorial Day. **