I'm sure that if you're like me and watch way too many movies, you're thinking that title has something to do with a heist. You know, "The Take" from theft. The score, the loot, the well yeah okay I think you get it. But that's actually not what I'm talking about as I know nothing about thievery. Except of course that I am a professional thief because I have seen The Italian Job AND The Thomas Crown Affair. Also all the Ocean's movies and that one with Katherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery. #expertstatus
But back to topic. What ever happened to the take? The take I'm referring to here is the take part of the "Give & Take" in a relationship. It's the advice that all married couples give to newly wed couples - "marriage is a give and take!" Except no one ever wants to take. Why is that? Is it because take is perceived as selfish? Do we only ever want to appear as the giver of the relationship?? Do we not realize then that makes our partner only a taker. Negative connotation!
My husband is literally a super hero. Maybe you've heard of him? In previous posts perhaps. Or well, pretty much only a small handful of people I know actually read the ridiculous thoughts put to computer screen, so maybe you know him. He literally has changed the world. (Not kidding, when he was in Ecuador on a missions trip, he made soccer goals for the kids in the village/area they were in and the organization that headed the trip asked for his plans and building materials because they were/are going to use it globally ... world changed.) Most people don't realize but there is nothing he can't do - except interact with humans - but that's totally besides the point! He can do carpentry (he built our daughters crib FROM SCRATCH), electric - I stand by with a 2x4 just in case, plumbing - we won't count the time he dripped MOLTEN metal (solder - pronounced saudder) IN his mouth ... I flipped out way more than he did. He can literally fix technical problems OVER THE PHONE - what are you a magician freak?! WHO DOES THAT?! Not even tech support can do that! And don't get me started on cars, outdoor power equipment and anything else with a motor ... #mechanicalengineer. But seriously, this kid is amazing. He's also very kindhearted and doesn't want to ever leave anyone hanging if they are in need of help. My point with all of this? He's what you might call in HIGH DEMAND. Our house is kind of like a revolving door for him. He comes home to leave again to play super hero to or for someone. Which is great. Truly. But, after years of this, it gets hard.
Yep. I said it. It's hard. It's hard being the feeble Lois Lane who can't do anything with out her Hero Superman, even though he's out reversing the Earth's orbit to turn back time to stop Lex Luther from blowing up the world.
I kinda feel bad for Lois. First of all, Lois is not my most favorite woman's name - sorry. Second of all, she really isn't a character without Clark/Superman. She never seems to be able to do anything for herself and acts more as an Achilles heal for Superman because of his love for her. All the villains know to go straight for her. And that's what I am. Lois here. Hangin out watching Superman save the world only to have problems of my own that only complicate his life. That's hard to admit.When you are a significant other, you like to think you bring something meaningful to the table. Even things out, make the relationship balanced. But in our world, that's just not the case. I'm home all day, pregnant like a crazy lady, with a massive beast thing we call a dog and a 3 1/2 year old. Doin stuff, but not changing the world. Some say, right but some day maybe your kids will! And that would be incredible - still not me. That would be them and I would be proud, but not responsible.
Since I got pregnant (with Twins ... WHAT?!) I've seen a lot of t-shirts and stuff for moms and one says "I grow Twins, What's Your Super Power?" While hilarious, and almost a purchase, it's also not really true. Given the right circumstances, many women can "grow" twins. In fact, many already have. It's not really a super power. It's more like a really neat capability. Hey look at me, I'm getting 3 kids in 2 shots. Also a blessing. But keeping beings alive isn't a super power either. Anyone can do it - even my husband. He might do it weird and extremely messily, and it does not fall into his favorites folder, but he can do it. (Told ya he can do anything!)
So - back to the topic at hand here rambler! The take. So it seems that I would need to be the giver. Giving support and encouragement for the Superhero. But while I'm not a hero, I am human. And humans have needs. Yeah ... weird ... but we totally do. One of those is taking care of ourselves. One of the things you learn if you become a Lifeguard is that you have to pay attention and focus because if something happens to you during a rescue - what good are you to the victim you're trying to save? You're not. And now there are 2 people in trouble. That's why when people are drowning there are certain techniques and maneuvers used to complete a successful rescue. Those must be applied to keep both parties safe. The same goes in life, if you don't take care of yourself, what good are you to anyone else? While child caring and rearing might not be as powerful as changing the world like my Superman, it's needed for our family to survive. Mostly due to the fact that Jay can't change the world if he's busy changing diapers. (See what I did there? With the changing thing ... whatever guys I'm funny!) On the same note, I need to do things for me sometimes in order to stay remotely sane. I'm completely crazy mind you, but to stay in the realm of reality I need something for me. Sure I have this neat little blog, but it takes energy, research and time to do. I'm usually pretty tired after writing a post and then it still must be read several dozen times and edited etc.
So if I know this is needed, I believe it - says it in the Bible - even God rested, why do I feel guilty when I ask for something for me? Why is there such a stigma with taking? It even sounds like a dirty word - TAKE. Most of the time I have to do things for myself during the week like Starbucks and Target. (To whomever decided to put the bucks IN the Target ... SHAME ON YOU. Now I have a ridiculous fetish to both!) But at the end of the day, I need the hero to play hero at home. And yet, I feel ashamed sometimes asking for his time. The great and powerful Jay. How dare Lois take some of his extremely valuable time!!!
But you know what. I can't feel ashamed. I have to feel that as half of the relationship, sometimes I need to take. Even if it's just a little. We ALL do. We need a minute to ourselves, for ourselves. To be alone, creative, read, work (on other things), grocery shop, sleep, pray, be human. Whatever it takes for us to continue to have the stamina and strength to continue to give. If you haven't, read The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. (Have your box of tissues ready ladies and don't roll your eyes gents) It is a fantastic children's classic about a tree that gives and gives and gives until it can no longer give. If in the relationship, you only give and NEVER take, you will end up unhappy. And relationships aren't happy and productive if both parties aren't happy. They just aren't.
So I would like to change the connotation associated with The Take. It's more like Share. Both parties in a relationship have needs - Superhero or not - we do. If in a relationship, you NEED to have the ability to speak for yourself and remind your partner that you're there too and no matter how amazing they may be, they still need your support. And for you to support, you need for you. It doesn't get selfish until you ONLY focus on you and are constantly asking for more. It's not selfish when it's only on occasion and when truly needed.
I hope some day we can bring back The Take. I hope at some point in time we can realize that there are 2 parts to every relationship, and I don't mean give and take. There is one and the other. Both should be equal.
Sigh ... someday I won't be tied to the railroad tracks! ... Someday.
But back to topic. What ever happened to the take? The take I'm referring to here is the take part of the "Give & Take" in a relationship. It's the advice that all married couples give to newly wed couples - "marriage is a give and take!" Except no one ever wants to take. Why is that? Is it because take is perceived as selfish? Do we only ever want to appear as the giver of the relationship?? Do we not realize then that makes our partner only a taker. Negative connotation!
My husband is literally a super hero. Maybe you've heard of him? In previous posts perhaps. Or well, pretty much only a small handful of people I know actually read the ridiculous thoughts put to computer screen, so maybe you know him. He literally has changed the world. (Not kidding, when he was in Ecuador on a missions trip, he made soccer goals for the kids in the village/area they were in and the organization that headed the trip asked for his plans and building materials because they were/are going to use it globally ... world changed.) Most people don't realize but there is nothing he can't do - except interact with humans - but that's totally besides the point! He can do carpentry (he built our daughters crib FROM SCRATCH), electric - I stand by with a 2x4 just in case, plumbing - we won't count the time he dripped MOLTEN metal (solder - pronounced saudder) IN his mouth ... I flipped out way more than he did. He can literally fix technical problems OVER THE PHONE - what are you a magician freak?! WHO DOES THAT?! Not even tech support can do that! And don't get me started on cars, outdoor power equipment and anything else with a motor ... #mechanicalengineer. But seriously, this kid is amazing. He's also very kindhearted and doesn't want to ever leave anyone hanging if they are in need of help. My point with all of this? He's what you might call in HIGH DEMAND. Our house is kind of like a revolving door for him. He comes home to leave again to play super hero to or for someone. Which is great. Truly. But, after years of this, it gets hard.
Yep. I said it. It's hard. It's hard being the feeble Lois Lane who can't do anything with out her Hero Superman, even though he's out reversing the Earth's orbit to turn back time to stop Lex Luther from blowing up the world.
I kinda feel bad for Lois. First of all, Lois is not my most favorite woman's name - sorry. Second of all, she really isn't a character without Clark/Superman. She never seems to be able to do anything for herself and acts more as an Achilles heal for Superman because of his love for her. All the villains know to go straight for her. And that's what I am. Lois here. Hangin out watching Superman save the world only to have problems of my own that only complicate his life. That's hard to admit.When you are a significant other, you like to think you bring something meaningful to the table. Even things out, make the relationship balanced. But in our world, that's just not the case. I'm home all day, pregnant like a crazy lady, with a massive beast thing we call a dog and a 3 1/2 year old. Doin stuff, but not changing the world. Some say, right but some day maybe your kids will! And that would be incredible - still not me. That would be them and I would be proud, but not responsible.
Since I got pregnant (with Twins ... WHAT?!) I've seen a lot of t-shirts and stuff for moms and one says "I grow Twins, What's Your Super Power?" While hilarious, and almost a purchase, it's also not really true. Given the right circumstances, many women can "grow" twins. In fact, many already have. It's not really a super power. It's more like a really neat capability. Hey look at me, I'm getting 3 kids in 2 shots. Also a blessing. But keeping beings alive isn't a super power either. Anyone can do it - even my husband. He might do it weird and extremely messily, and it does not fall into his favorites folder, but he can do it. (Told ya he can do anything!)
So - back to the topic at hand here rambler! The take. So it seems that I would need to be the giver. Giving support and encouragement for the Superhero. But while I'm not a hero, I am human. And humans have needs. Yeah ... weird ... but we totally do. One of those is taking care of ourselves. One of the things you learn if you become a Lifeguard is that you have to pay attention and focus because if something happens to you during a rescue - what good are you to the victim you're trying to save? You're not. And now there are 2 people in trouble. That's why when people are drowning there are certain techniques and maneuvers used to complete a successful rescue. Those must be applied to keep both parties safe. The same goes in life, if you don't take care of yourself, what good are you to anyone else? While child caring and rearing might not be as powerful as changing the world like my Superman, it's needed for our family to survive. Mostly due to the fact that Jay can't change the world if he's busy changing diapers. (See what I did there? With the changing thing ... whatever guys I'm funny!) On the same note, I need to do things for me sometimes in order to stay remotely sane. I'm completely crazy mind you, but to stay in the realm of reality I need something for me. Sure I have this neat little blog, but it takes energy, research and time to do. I'm usually pretty tired after writing a post and then it still must be read several dozen times and edited etc.
So if I know this is needed, I believe it - says it in the Bible - even God rested, why do I feel guilty when I ask for something for me? Why is there such a stigma with taking? It even sounds like a dirty word - TAKE. Most of the time I have to do things for myself during the week like Starbucks and Target. (To whomever decided to put the bucks IN the Target ... SHAME ON YOU. Now I have a ridiculous fetish to both!) But at the end of the day, I need the hero to play hero at home. And yet, I feel ashamed sometimes asking for his time. The great and powerful Jay. How dare Lois take some of his extremely valuable time!!!
But you know what. I can't feel ashamed. I have to feel that as half of the relationship, sometimes I need to take. Even if it's just a little. We ALL do. We need a minute to ourselves, for ourselves. To be alone, creative, read, work (on other things), grocery shop, sleep, pray, be human. Whatever it takes for us to continue to have the stamina and strength to continue to give. If you haven't, read The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. (Have your box of tissues ready ladies and don't roll your eyes gents) It is a fantastic children's classic about a tree that gives and gives and gives until it can no longer give. If in the relationship, you only give and NEVER take, you will end up unhappy. And relationships aren't happy and productive if both parties aren't happy. They just aren't.
So I would like to change the connotation associated with The Take. It's more like Share. Both parties in a relationship have needs - Superhero or not - we do. If in a relationship, you NEED to have the ability to speak for yourself and remind your partner that you're there too and no matter how amazing they may be, they still need your support. And for you to support, you need for you. It doesn't get selfish until you ONLY focus on you and are constantly asking for more. It's not selfish when it's only on occasion and when truly needed.
I hope some day we can bring back The Take. I hope at some point in time we can realize that there are 2 parts to every relationship, and I don't mean give and take. There is one and the other. Both should be equal.
Sigh ... someday I won't be tied to the railroad tracks! ... Someday.
